My friends, they love my intelligence
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Randomize
