i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
