well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
