What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
