He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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