My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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