Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
