wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
