what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
