he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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