Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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