Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
