it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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