The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Randomize
