If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
