Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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