I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
