You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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