Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
