Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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