just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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