I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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