Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
