we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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