You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
