A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
