It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
