Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
