I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
