Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
