It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
