just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
She told me I should be a condom model.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
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