I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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