I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
