i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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