My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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