sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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