12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
