yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
and you fell through a lawn chair
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
