I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
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