When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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