He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
