clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
