I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
