Can Purell be used as lube?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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