so explain again why im purple
no
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
