i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
