So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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