she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
