This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I don't want my vagina anymore.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
